"Your husband drinks too much if he..." - Quote by Phyllis Diller
Your husband drinks too much if he says he never drinks alone, but considers the goldfish somebody.
More by Phyllis Diller
“Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.”
“You know you're old when someone compliments you on your alligator shoes, and you're barefoot.”
“We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.”
More on Humor
“When I was a kid, I inhaled. Frequently. That was the point.”
“A girl can talk about my nose, my teeth or my accent - anything that gets a conversation going is fine with me. It is weird, though, the way women respond to my body. Maybe 50 percent respond positively right away, while another 25 or 30 percent need a while to adjust to my size and to realize that ordinarily my muscles are soft, just like anyone's, only bigger.”
“I got an ant farm; them fellas didn't grow sh*t.”
More on Alcoholism
“I had to stop drinking alcohol, because I used to wake up nude in front of my car with my keys in my ass.”
“I stopped drinking when I had children because I wanted to be awake and aware. I did not want to be going, you know, daddy loves you and then drop my head on the table. I do not want to miss anything that they do or say. It is important to me.”
“Well, upon my soul! You are not ashamed to stand there and confess yourself a disgusting drunkard.”