"Alan Zweibel is the funniest writer in..." - Quote by Dave Barry

“I'm one of those people who tells my wife, "No coaching from the sidelines."”

“When I read that I had to go to Gettysburg.”

“If, when you talk to people, they keep backing away from you, it's because you're TOO CLOSE, alright? SO DON'T KEEP ADVANCING ON THEM LIKE A HUMAN GLACIER.”

“Car designers are just going to have to come up with an automobile that outlasts the payments.”

“My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?”

“Women have a hard enough time in this world: telling them the truth would be too cruel.”

“I do not think one can assess a writer's motives without knowing something of his early development. His subject matter will be determined by the age he lives in ... but before he ever begins to write he will have acquired an emotional attitude from which he will never completely escape.”

“Jim Harrison is someone I always enjoy, one of the great contemporary writers. I like Tim Ferris' Big Boom Theory. I'm getting into a different kind of reading, not straight novels.”

“All writers are vain, selfish and lazy, and at the very bottom of their motives lies a mystery.”