"Now, most dentist's chairs go up and..." - Quote by Tim Vine
Now, most dentist's chairs go up and down, don't they? The one I was in went back and forwards. I thought 'This is unusual'. And the dentist said to me 'Mr Vine, get out of the filing cabinet.
More by Tim Vine
“Black beauty - he's a dark horse.”
“As you get older you're told to be sensible, but it's important for writing if you're a comic that you're able to still access that childlike thing.”
“So I went down my local ice-cream shop, and said 'I want to buy an ice-cream'. He said Hundreds & thousands?' I said 'We'll start with one.' He said 'Knickerbocker glory?' I said 'I do get a certain amount of freedom in these trousers, yes.'”
More on Humor
“You're heading for a breakdown. Why don't you pull yourself to pieces?”
“If some of these [Republican] folks were around when Columbus set sail, they must have been founding members of the 'flat earth society.' They would not believe that the world was round.”
“There are no bad haircuts in cyberspace.”
More on Absurdity
“It's a wonderful feeling to have a niece like youBecause you are always so dearYou are so dear no matter the yearBut all throughout each day of the yearThere could hardly be a town in the South of England where youcould throw a brick without hitting the niece of a bishop.”
“For a while I didn't have a car . . . I had a helicopter . . . no place to park it, so I just tied it to a lamp post and left it running. [slow glance upward]”
“I'm sick of Soup Of The Day, man. It's time we make a decision. I need to know what Soup From Now On is.”