"Now did you know if a stick..." - Quote by Tim Vine
Now did you know if a stick insect laid it's eggs in a jar of Bovril it will give birth to a litter of twiglets.
More by Tim Vine
“You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice.”
“I went to the doctor. I said to him "I'm frightened of lapels." He said, "You've got cholera."”
“I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I'll tell you what, never again.”
More on Humor
“I have paid as much as $300 a night to throw up into a sink shaped like a seashell.”
“Lovely & too charming Fair one, notwithstanding your forbidding Squint, your greazy tresses & your swelling Back, which are more frightful than imagination can paint or pen describe, I cannot refrain from expressing my raptures, at the engaging Qualities of your Mind, which so amply atone for the Horror, with which your first appearance must ever inspire the unwary visitor.”
“My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives.”
More on Puns
“So I went in to a pet shop. I said, "Can I buy a goldfish?" The guy said, "Do you want an aquarium?" I said, "I don't care what star sign it is."”
“Just as the witticism brings two very different real objects under one concept, the pun brings two different concepts, by the assistance of accident, under one word.”
“A drama critic is a man who leaves no turn unstoned.”