"I think TV remotes should have a..." - Quote by George Carlin

“Baseball is the only major sport that appears backwards in a mirror.”

“It used to be cars had cool names: Dart, Hawk, Fury, Cougar, Firebird, Hornet, Mustang, Barracuda. Now we have Elantra, Altima, Acura, Lumina, Sentra, Corolla, Maxima, Tercel. Further proof that America has lost its edge.”

“My first rule: I don't believe anything the government tells me.”

“A scientist is a mimosa when he himself has made a mistake, and a roaring lion when he discovers a mistake of others.”

“The other day a dog peed on me. A bad sign.”

“A woman can make a man feel older or younger than his years if she so chooses. Being a woman is a terribly difficult task since it consists principally in dealing with men. Women were made with a sense of humor so they could love men instead of laughing at them.”

“The Internet is a big distraction. It's distracting, it's meaningless; it's not real. It's in the air somewhere.”

“Because of the internet and communications, the clash of cultures is much more direct. People feel, I think, less certain about their identity, less certain about economic security.”

“The Internet is a giant international network of intelligent, informed computer enthusiasts, by which I mean, "people without lives." We don't care. We have each other.”