"Would a fly without wings be called..." - Quote by George Carlin

“I'm not collegial, I don't hang out. I'm soloist, I like my solitude, I don't really hang around with comedians.”

“Good news for senior citizens: Death is near!”

“Nothing rectifies out-of-control market failures like a healthy dose ofgovernment intervention and mountains of bureaucracy.”

“What are the proper proportions of a maxim? A minimum of sound to a maximum of sense.”

“Don’t you see that the whole aim of Newspeak is to narrow the range of thought? In the end we shall make thoughtcrime literally impossible, because there will be no words in which to express it.”

“People remember Longfellow wrote Hiawatha, quite forget he was a Professor of Modern Languages!”

“Thomas Jefferson once said. He said , "We should never judge a President by his age, only by his works." And ever since he told me that, I've stopped worrying. There are those who say I've stopped working.”

“There wasn't any Republicans in Washington's day. No Republicans, no Boll Weevil, no income tax, no cover charge, no disarmament conference, no luncheon clubs, no stop lights, no static, no head winds. My Lord, living in those days, who wouldn't be great?”

“Gentiles are people who eat mayonnaise for no reason.”