"I'll tell ya, my wife and I,..." - Quote by Rodney Dangerfield
I'll tell ya, my wife and I, we don't think alike. She donates money to the homeless, and I donate money to the topless!
More by Rodney Dangerfield
“You wanna have laughs? Do what I do. When I go through a tollbooth, I keep going. I tell the guy, The car behind me is paying for two.”
“I tell ya, it's tough to save a buck. Right now I'm supporting two fighters. My wife and her mother.”
“I'll tell ya, I don't get no respect... The other day, I got back from a business trip. I got in a cab and said to the driver, "Hey! Take me to where the action is!" So ya know where he took me? He took me to my house!”
More on Humor
“Summer was made to give you a taste of what hell is like. Winter was made for landladies to charge high rents and keep cold radiators and make a fortune off of poor tenants.”
“Married, Married, Married! Buried! Yeah yeah yeah yeah”
“The English are not happy unless they are miserable, the Irish are not at peace unless they are at war, and the Scots are not at home unless they are abroad.”
More on Marriage
“After all, wedlock is the natural state of man. A bachelor is not a complete human being. He is like the odd half of a pair of scissors, which has not yet found its fellow, and therefore is not even half so useful as they might be together.”
“This woman goes into a gun shop and says, 'I want to buy a gun for my husband.' The clerk says, 'Did he tell you what kind of gun?' 'No,' she replied. 'He doesn't even know I'm going to shoot him.”
“The concept of marriage must have been thought up by an unimaginative pig.”