“Now did you know if a stick insect laid it's eggs in a jar of Bovril it will give birth to a litter of twiglets.”

“Black holes. I don't know what people see in them. Exit signs? They're on their way out.”

“So I went down the local supermarket, I said "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it", he said "Those are pickled onions".”

“I went to the doctor. I said to him "I'm frightened of lapels." He said, "You've got cholera."”

“Now you know those trick candles that you blow out and a couple of seconds.”

“How sharper than a serpent's tooth it is to have a thankless child!”

“The love that follows us sometime is our trouble, which still we thank as love.”

“Evermore thanks, the exchequer of the poor”