“If you wouldn't write it and sign it, don't say it.”

“To sell something, tell a woman it's a bargain; tell a man it's deductible.”

“An exhaustive study of police records shows that no woman has ever shot her husband while he was doing the dishes.”

“A baseball game is simply a nervous breakdown divided into nine innings.”

“Many a standing ovation has been caused by someone jumping to his feet in an effort to beat the rest of the audience to the parking lot.”

“Rumor is a pipe Blown by surmises, jealousies, conjectures.”

“What the great ones do, the less will prattle of”

“Here comes Monseiur Le Beau. Rosalind: With his mouth full of news. Celia: Which he will put on us, as pigeons feed their young. Rosalind: Then shall we be news-crammed. Celia: All the better; we shall be the more marketable.”