"Don't sweat the petty things and don't..." - Quote by George Carlin

“Where ideas are concerned, America can be counted on to do one of two things: Take a good idea and run it completely into the ground, or take a bad idea and run it completely into the ground.”

“Beethoven was so hard of hearing, he thought he was a painter.”

“People always tell me "Have a nice day." Well what if I don't want to? What if I want to have a crappy day?”

“Try till you succeed...if you don't succeed once, then destroy all evidence of the fact that you tried!”

“Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town.”

“We could say the government spend like drunken sailors, but that would be unfair to drunken sailors, because the sailors are spending their own money.”

“Want More Advice Like This?”

“Old men are fond of giving good advice to console themselves for their inability to give bad examples.”

“Old people love to give good advice; it compensates them for their inability to set a bad example.”