"If you compulsively pun you are called..." - Quote by Tim Vine

“Now, most dentist's chairs go up and down, don't they? The one I was in went back and forwards. I thought 'This is unusual'. And the dentist said to me 'Mr Vine, get out of the filing cabinet.”

“I phoned the local ramblers club today and this bloke just went on and on.”

“Now did you know if a stick insect laid it's eggs in a jar of Bovril it will give birth to a litter of twiglets.”

“The fact is the sweetest dream that labor knows.”

“Eloquence must be grounded on the plainest narrative. Afterwards, it may warm itself until it exhales symbols of every kind and color, speaks only through the most poetic forms; but first and last, it must still be at bottom a biblical statement of fact.”

“I believe that no discovery of fact, however trivial, can be wholly useless to the race, and that no trumpeting of falsehood, however virtuous in intent, can be anything but vicious.”

“A metaphor is like a simile.”

“What exactly is "midair"? Is there some other part of air besides the "mid" part?”

“My attempt has been really to, beyond making a record of contemporary life, which is what you inevitably do, is trying to make beautiful books - books that are in some way beautiful, that are models of how to use the language, models of honest feeling, models of care.”