"I have a "Do Not Disturb" sign..." - Quote by Mitch Hedberg

“I remixed a remix, it was back to normal.”

“I am wearing a vest. If I had no arms, it would be a jacket.”

“I have found when I look at an audience that the expressions on the peoples' faces aren't always up to par with the sounds that they're making. A crowd can sound like they're having a good time when your eyes are closed but if you open your eyes, the looks on some of those faces don't equal the sound.”

“Britney Spears has shoulders like a man.”

“It is perfectly monstrous,' he said, at last, 'the way people go about nowadays saying things against one behind one's back that are absolutely and entirely true.”

“I put tape on the mirrors in my house so I don't accidentally walk through into another dimension.”

“Writing is the clumsy attempt to find symbols for wordlessness.”

“German is my mother tongue and as such more natural to me, but I consider Czech much more affectionate, which is why your letter removes several uncertainties; I see you more clearly, the movements of your body, your hands, so quick, so resolute, it’s almost like a meeting.”

“All statements are true, if you are free to redefine their terms.”