"I was going to tape some records..." - Quote by Steven Wright
I was going to tape some records onto a cassette, but I got the wires backwards. I erased the all of the records. When I returned them to my friend, he said, "Hey, these records are all blank."
More by Steven Wright
“They say we're 98% water. We're that close to drowning. I like to live on the edge.”
“I made a chocolate cake with white chocolate. Then I took it to a potluck. I stood in line for some cake. They said, "Do you want white cake or chocolate cake?" I said, "yes."”
“A cop stopped me for speeding/ He said, 'Why were you going so fast?' I said, 'See this thing my foot is on? It's called an accelerator. When you push down on it, it sends more gas to the engine. The whole car just takes right off. And see this thing [mimes steering wheel]? This steers it'”
More on Humor
“I argue very well. Just ask any of my remaining friends.”
“Dogsled-riding is a sport that is relaxing as well as fragrant.”
“The test of any good fiction is that you should care something for the characters; the good to succeed, the bad to fail. The trouble with most fiction is that you want them all to land in hell, together, as quickly as possible.”
More on Technology
“The French have launched their own version of Google, called Quaero. You just type in the subject you're interested in, and Quaero refuses to look it up for you.”
“Social media is not a fad because it's human.”
“I haven't seen a tractor working all day. The country has gone sane and got back to horses. Farmers all look worse, but they feel better.”