Television Host Quotes

“When I was a boy I used to do what my father wanted. Now I have to do what my boy wants. My problem is: When am I going to do what I want?”

“It would be useless to bomb Washington. If you destroy one building, they already have two other buildings completely staffed with people doing exactly the same thing.”

“Happiness is a by-product. You cannot pursue it by itself.”

“You must pay for your sins. If you have already paid, please ignore this notice.”

“Learn from other people's mistakes. Life is too short to make them all yourself.”

“We should not permit prayer to be taken out of the schools; that's the only way most of us got through.”

“You can't start at the top.”

“Many wise words are spoken in jest, but they don't compare with the number of stupid words spoken in earnest.”

“The longest word in the world is "a word from our sponsor."”

“More and more Congressmen now stay in Washington all year-round because they can't stay at home under the laws they've passed.”

“I admit that: my wife is outspoken, but by whom?”

“If you owe fifty dollars you're a piker; if you owe fifty thousand dollars you're a businessman; if you owe fifty million dollars you're a tycoon; if you owe fifty billion dollars you're the government.”

“Any kid who has two parents who are interested in him and has a houseful of books isn't poor.”

“Our parents set the moral tone of the family. They expected more of some of us and less of others, but never less than they thought we were capable of.”

“If your wife wants to learn to drive, don't stand in her way.”

“Give your child a spanking once a day. If you don't know why, he does.”

“We may not always see eye to eye, but we can try to see heart to heart.”

“It was on my fifth birthday that Papa put his hand on my shoulder and said, 'Remember, my son, if you ever need a helping hand, you'll find one at the end of your arm.'”

“Times don't change. Men do.”

“One of the virtues of being very young is that you don't let the facts get in the way of your imagination.”

“The simplest toy, one which even the youngest child can operate, is called a grandparent.”

“Don't watch the clock; do what it does. Keep going.”

“If you want to kill time why not try working it to death.”

“For Attractive lips, speak words of kindness.For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.For beautiful hair, let a child run their fingers through it once a day.For poise, walk with the knowledge that you never walk alone.People, more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed. Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you will find one at the end of each of your arms.As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself and the other for helping others.”

“I'm gonna put all my money into taxes. They're sure to go up.”