#Television Quotes

“I've got to tell you, the Internet is a place you go when you want to turn your brain on, and television is a place you go when you want to turn your brain off. I'm not at all convinced that the twain will meet.”

“Programs like 'Jeopardy' and 'Who Wants to Be a Millionaire' are ridiculous. They're the stupidest shows in history. They're making us dumber. They don't give us information, they give us facts, factoids. You don't learn who Napoleon was and how he was motivated. You learn what year he was born, and when he died. That's useless.”

“The television, that insidious beast, that Medusa which freezes a billion people to stone every night, staring fixedly, that Siren which called and sang and promised so much and gave, after all, so little.”

“My father watched football with the sound off because he lived in fear of hearing the voice of Howard Cosell.”

“Television is very dangerous. Because it repeats and repeats and repeats our disasters, instead of our triumphs.”

“We got on American Bandstand, where kids would dance to a record and then rate it. We called ourselves Tom and Jerry. I was Jerry.”

“I'm not against TV; I don't go on the morning talk shows because I'm not invited. If I was, I might go.”

“I secretly understood: the primitive appeal of the hearth. Television is - its irresistible charm - a fire.”

“Being on TV is like being alive, only more so.”

“February is always a bad month for TV sports. Football is gone, basketball is plodding along in the annual midseason doldrums, and baseball is not even mentioned.”

“People think I watch TV too much, but they are wrong. There is a huge difference between merely "watching" TV and learning to respond aggressively to it. The difference, for most people, is the difference between the living and dying of their own brains.”

“What exactly is 'viewer discretion'? If viewers had discretion, most television shows would not be on the air.”

“I hate Dr Phil. Dr Phil told me to express my feelings, so I'm expressing them.”

“I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a good book. ANOTHER VERSION I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book. ANOTHER VERSION I find television very educational. Every time someone turns it on, I go in the other room and read a book.”

“Television is where you watch people in your living room that you would not want near your house.”

“I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every Monday from 7:30 to 8. to educate America. They couldn't educate America if they started at 6:30.”

“I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a good book.”

“I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.”

“Every time someone turns on a TV, I go in the other room and read.”

“TV is the rat race of the century.”

“I think TV remotes should have a button that allows you to kill the person on the screen.”

“I do write a lot of children's songs, and I'm going to do a children's television show, which also means I'll be doing a lot of albums. So I do hope my future will hold a lot of things for children.”

“One of the things I'm real proud of is I just made a deal with 20th Century Fox, and I've got my own production company now. I'm developing some television and movies for other people because I have a lot of fresh new ideas. To write is what I love the most.”

“There are terrific TV shows now. This is a golden age for TV humor, I think. There's an actual market there. Of course, I have no idea how you'd break in, but there must be a way. They have all these shows and they need jokes and somebody is writing them.”

“I would not know how I am supposed to feel about many stories if not for the fact that the TV news personalities make sad faces for sad stories and happy faces for happy stories.”

“The nuclear generator of brain sludge is television.”

“Having the security of being in a series week in, week out gives you great flexibility; you can experience with yourself, try a different scene different ways. If you make a mistake one week, you can look at it and say, 'Well, I won't do that again,' and you're still on the air next week.”

“Television is not real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.”

“I go anywhere I want, do whatever I want when I get there, they let me make self-indulgent TV about that experience, and give me about as much creative freedom as anyone's ever had in the history of television.”

“I'm very proud of the Rome episode of 'No Reservations' because it violated all the conventional wisdom about making television. You're never, ever supposed to do a food or travel show in black and white.”

“It just seems there's better things to do in your life than be on television if it's not interesting, if it's not challenging, if it's not fun. You know? When it stops being those things for me, I'll stop making television.”

“It's that show Friends. Ruined coffee forever.”