“I don't have change I'd have to give you nine more books”

“My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you something.”

“The only game I like to play is "Old Maid", providing she's not too old”

“Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.”

“Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men -- the other 999 follow women.”

“I've got to tell you, the Internet is a place you go when you want to turn your brain on, and television is a place you go when you want to turn your brain off. I'm not at all convinced that the twain will meet.”

“Programs like 'Jeopardy' and 'Who Wants to Be a Millionaire' are ridiculous. They're the stupidest shows in history. They're making us dumber. They don't give us information, they give us facts, factoids. You don't learn who Napoleon was and how he was motivated. You learn what year he was born, and when he died. That's useless.”

“The television, that insidious beast, that Medusa which freezes a billion people to stone every night, staring fixedly, that Siren which called and sang and promised so much and gave, after all, so little.”

“You taught me language, and my profit on't / Is, I know how to curse”

“Those that do teach young babesDo it with gentle means and easy tasks.”

“Thought and knowledge are natures in which apparatus and pretension avail nothing. Gowns, and pecuniary foundations, though of towns of gold, can never countervail the least sentence or syllable of wit. Forget this, and out American colleges will recede in their public importance whilst they grow richer every year.”

“Lord, I could not endure a husband with a beard on his face! I had rather lie in the woolen.”

“There is no slander in an allowed fool, though he do nothing but rail.”

“I will not be sworn but love may transform me to an oyster”

“The dullness of the fool is the whetstone of the wits.”

“Thou sodden-witted lord! thou hast no more brain than I have in mine elbows.”

“If you spend word for word with me, I shall make your wit bankrupt.”

“Lord, I could not endure a husband with a beard on his face! I had rather lie in the woolen.”

“Age, I do abhor thee, youth, I do adore thee.”

“I had rather be a kitten and cry mew Than one of these same metre ballet-mongers.”

“In the highest civilization, the book is still the highest delight. He who has once known its satisfactions is provided with a resource against calamity.”

“Tis the good reader that makes the good book; a good head cannot read amiss: in every book he finds passages which seem confidences or asides hidden from all else and unmistakeably meant for his ear.”

“We are as much informed of a writer's genius by what he selects as by what he originates. We read the quotation with his eyes, andfind a new and fervent sense; as a passage from one of the poets, well recited, borrows new interest from the rendering. As the journals say, "the italics are ours.”