"You've got a goal in life. I've..." - Quote by Groucho Marx

“Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you're probably watching the wrong channel.”

“Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.”

“I made a killing on Wall Street a few years ago...I shot my broker.”

“Expect the best of yourself, and then do what is necessary to make it a reality.”

“First we become the best, then we'll become first.”

“The end of a melody is not its goal; but nonetheless, if the melody had not reached its end it would not have reached its goal either. A parable.”

“Me. A bad boy. For eating boiled peanuts in the graveyard. Go figure.”

“I never could keep a promise. I do not blame myself for this weakness, because the fault must lie in my physical organization. It is likely that such a very liberal amount of space was given to the organ which enables me to make promises that the organ which should enable me to keep them was crowded out. But I grieve not. I like no half-way things. I had rather have one faculty nobly developed than two faculties of mere ordinary capacity.”

“I got my driver's license photo taken out of focus on purpose. Now when I get pulled over, the cop looks at it [moving it nearer and farther, trying to see it clearly], and says, "Here, you can go"”