"Budget: a way of going broke methodically..." - Quote by Groucho Marx

“Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does.”

“There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, 'Yes,' you know he is a crook.”

“The foods that are recommended today are as palatable as a steady diet of wet blotters.”

“Money always has come to me, because I always have seen myself as endlessly abundant.”

“Perhaps you know some well-off families who do not seem to suffer from their riches. They do not overeat themselves; they find occupations to keep themselves in health; they do not worry about their position; they put their money into safe investments and are content with a low rate of interest; and they bring up their children to live simply and do useful work. But this means that they do not live like rich people at all, and might therefore just as well have ordinary incomes.”

“There are two times in a man's life when he should not speculate: when he can't afford it, and when he can.”

“How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being.”

“When commenting on the turmoil and disorder of the world, If the other planets are inhabited, they must be using this earth as their insane asylum.”

“Cats are put on earth to remind us that not everything has a purpose.”