"Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare...." - Quote by Erma Bombeck

“In the South Pacific, because of their size, mosquitoes are required to file flight plans.”

“I will never understand children. I never pretended to. I meet mothers all the time who make resolutions to themselves. 'I'm going to ... go out of my way to show them I am interested in them and what they do. I am going to understand my children.' These women end up making rag rugs, using blunt scissors.”

“Laughter rises out of tragedy when you need it the most, and rewards you for your courage.”

“I loved my mother very much, but she was not a good cook. Most turkeys taste better the day after; my mother's tasted better the day before. In our house Thanksgiving was a time for sorrow.”

“What we're really talking about is a wonderful day set aside on the fourth Thursday of November when no one diets. I mean, why else would they call it Thanksgiving?”

“Thanksgiving day. Let us all give humble, hearty, and sincere thanks now, but the turkeys.”

“I like chicken a lot because chicken is generous - that is to say, it's obedient. It will do whatever you tell it to do.”

“The most violent weapon on earth is the table fork.”

“I don't snack. I don't generally eat sweets or drink soda. I never eat between meals or even before big ones.”