"I just don't get cats. To me,..." - Quote by Rita Rudner

“Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved.”

“I get a lot of return business. I think it's all those years I put in traveling around the country; people saw me before and had a good time so they want to see me again.”

“I'm going to start water skiing someday...as soon as I can separate it from being dragged by a boat.”

“Let me tell you what I look like: pale face, long hair, and a tiny start of a paunch. In addition, an awkward gait, and a cigar in the mouth and a pen in pocket or hand.”

“Mothers all want their sons to grow up to be president, but they don't want them to become politicians in the process.”

“I become faint and nauseous during even very minor medical procedures, such as making an appointment by phone.”

“The ethic of Reverence for Life prompts us to keep each other alert to what troubles us and to speak and act dauntlessly together in discharging the responsibility that we feel. It keeps us watching together for opportunities to bring some sort of help to animals in recompense for the great misery that men inflict upon them, and thus for a moment we escape from the incomprehensible horror of existence.”

“Consider the cattle, grazing as they pass you by. They do not know what is meant by yesterday or today, they leap about, eat, rest, digest, leap about again, and so from morn till night and from day to day, fettered to the moment and its pleasure or displeasure, and thus neither melancholy nor bored. [...] A human being may well ask an animal: 'Why do you not speak to me of your happiness but only stand and gaze at me?' The animal would like to answer, and say, 'The reason is I always forget what I was going to say' - but then he forgot this answer too, and stayed silent.”

“When we were on acid, we would go into the woods, because there was less chance that you would run into an authority figure. But we ran into a bear. My friend Duane was there, raising his right hand, swearing to help prevent forest fires. He told me, "Mitchell, Smokey is way more intense in person!"”