"There's so little money in my bank..." - Quote by Phyllis Diller
There's so little money in my bank account, my scenic checks show a ghetto.
More by Phyllis Diller
“You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.”
“Before you get married you should meet your fiance's parents. It is not enough that you like his parole officer.”
“This woman goes into a gun shop and says, 'I want to buy a gun for my husband.' The clerk says, 'Did he tell you what kind of gun?' 'No,' she replied. 'He doesn't even know I'm going to shoot him.”
More on Humor
“Reviewing has one advantage over suicide: in suicide you take it out on yourself; in reviewing you take it out on other people.”
“You can call me the bad boy chef all you want. I'm not going to freak out about it. I'm not that bad. I'm certainly not a boy, and it's been a while since I've been a chef.”
“We named all our children Kid. Well, they have different first names, like Hey Kid, You Kid, Dumb Kid . . .”
More on Money
“"You see," said Mr. Toots, "what I wanted in a wife was - in short, was sense. Money, Feeder, I had. Sense I - I had not, particularly."”
“I told my doctor I got water on my knee, he gave me a sponge and raised his fee!”
“The idea that money is corrupting innocent politicians would be laughable if it did not lead to such dangerous legislation.”