"I married your mother because I wanted..." - Quote by Groucho Marx

“Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.”

“Before you speak, make certain you have something worthwhile to say.”

“Remember men, you are fighting for the ladies honor, which is probably more than she ever did.”

“Always remember your kid's name. Always remember where you put your kid. Don't let your kid drive until their feet can reach the pedals. Use the right size diapers... for yourself. And, when in doubt, make funny faces.”

“I want to rob a bank with a BB gun. "Give me all your money or I will give you a dimple! I will be rich, you will be cute. We both win."”

“My wife is so fat that the last time I saw something that big it was grazing.”

“I'm not thuggin' for me, I'm thuggin' for my family, I pay all the bills, I feed my whole family, wrong or right, I do and I can't stop.”

“I believe that the members of my family must be as free from suspicion as from actual crime.”

“Disneyland will always be building and growing and adding new things... new ways of having fun, of learning things, and sharing the many exciting adventures which may be experienced here in the company of family and friends.”