"Men are less sentimental than women. No..." - Quote by Rita Rudner

“I'm going to start water skiing someday...as soon as I can separate it from being dragged by a boat.”

“When I was a kid, I had two friends, and they were imaginary and they would only play with each other.”

“There are different kinds of humor, some is sarcastic, some introspective. Introspective fit my personality better.”

“Many of you know that I got my name, Barack, from my father. What you may not know is Barack is actually Swahili for 'That One.' And I got my middle name from somebody who obviously didn't think I'd ever run for president.”

“My mama told me I was already in a hurry as a child. I even had measles and chicken pox at the same time”

“A man has to work so hard so that something of his personality stays alive. A tomcat has it so easy, he has only to spray and his presence is there for years on rainy days.”

“If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there are men on base.”

“It is a well-documented fact that guys will not ask for directions. This is a biological thing. This is why it takes several million sperm cells... to locate a female egg, despite the fact that the egg is, relative to them, the size of Wisconsin.”

“Don't try to teach men how to do anything in public. They can learn in private; in public they have to know.”