"There's a man outside with a big..." - Quote by Groucho Marx

“Before you speak, make certain you have something worthwhile to say.”

“Comedians are a much rarer and far more valuable commodity than all the gold and precious stones in the world.”

“Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman. Then if you can get the dog to go somewhere and read the book, I might have a little fun.”

“I'm not sure you can count as history, was Keith Richards's "Life," which he so modestly titled it. I did find it a fascinating book. Keith's a pretty honest fellow.”

“It's nice to be short, because people expect less from you.”

“I modelled my looks on the town tramp.”

“My precept to all who build, is, that the owner should be an ornament to the house, and not the house to the owner.”

“When I would go a-visiting, I find that I go off the fashionable street,--not being inclined to change my dress,--to where man meets man, and not polished shoe meets shoe.”

“There is much money given to be laughed at, though the purchasers don't know it; witness A.'s fine horse, and B.'s fine house.”