"A man will go to war, fight..." - Quote by Rita Rudner

“When I want to end a relationship I just say, 'You know, I love you. I want to marry you. I want to have your children.' Sometimes they leave skid marks.”

“On my tombstone it will say: 'I tried everything - nothing was easy.'”

“I have a hold limit that I've set for myself. I hold until I start to imagine myself killing the person on the other end. Then I hang up and regroup.”

“Dear Hotel People: We don't need a cheeseball clock-radio. WE NEED PLACES TO PLUG STUFF IN. Thank you.”

“If you are going to tell people the truth, you had better make them laugh or they will kill you.”

“I am sure of this, that if everybody was to drink their bottle a day, there would be not half the disorders in the world there are now. It would be a famous good thing for us all.”

“It's not the men in my life that count, it's the life in my men.”

“Men love you more if they can be made a little uncertain about owning you.”

“Men are very confident people. Even a sixty-year-old man with no arms thinks he could play in the Super Bowl if he had to.”