"I didn't like the play, but then..." - Quote by Groucho Marx

“I've been around so long, I knew Doris Day before she was a virgin.”

“Heifer cow is better than none, but this is no time for puns”

“Any place I hang my head is home.”

“By elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.”

“One should never listen. To listen is a sign of indifference to one's hearers.”

“I saw a small bottle of cologne and asked if it was for sale. She said, "It's free with purchase." I asked her if anyone bought anything toda”

“The popular definition of tragedy is heavy drama in which everyone is killed in the last act, comedy being light drama in which everyone is married in the last act.”

“Fine art is the subtlest, the most seductive, the most effective instrument of moral propaganda in the world, excepting only the example of personal conduct; and I waive even this exception in favor of the art of the stage, because it works by exhibiting examples of personal conduct made intelligible and moving to crowds of unobservant unreflecting people to whom real life means nothing.”

“It was never my dream to be famous. I didn't start acting to be a movie star. I started in the theater and my desire was to get better at my craft. It's still my desire. I don't consider myself a movie star, nor do I really have the desire to be one. I'm just an entertainer. An actor who works hard at his craft. Whatever labels people give me, that's not really me or part of my process.”