"I adore being hitched. It's so extraordinary..." - Quote by Rita Rudner

“Men have better self-images than women. You know what I've never seen in a men's magazine? A makeover.”

“Men who can eat anything they want and not gain weight should do it out of sight of the women they're married to.”

“I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and say to myself "well, that's not going to happen”

“If the other fellow sells cheaper than you, it is called dumping. 'Course, if you sell cheaper than him, that's mass production.”

“The only thing I'm afraid of is bees. I don't like bees. I'm allergic to them.”

“However, if you do start crying in an argument and someone asks why, you can always say, 'I'm just crying because of how wrong you are.'”

“Not cohabitation but consensus constitutes marriage.”

“A married philosopher belongs to comedy.”

“The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was judged by the amount of wood she could split.”