"You're heading for a breakdown. Why don't..." - Quote by Groucho Marx

“Sir, are you trying to offer me a bribe? How much”

“I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.”

“Don't be silly. I'll write you twice a week.”

“Onions make me sad. A lot of people don't realize that.”

“All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women.”

“After my training wheels, my first real bike was a Schwinn, and my first time out, I rode down a hill, didn’t know how to stop, and ran right into a tree. So, that was a nice experience ... like realizing, oh, there are brakes!”

“There is nothing wrong with avoiding people who hurt you.”

“Many things have been written, including by me, linking humor and pain. Mostly, in my case, the humor part keeps me sane. If I spent all my hours writing things like "Fatal Distraction," I'd become a brooding, erratic melancholic. I'd be Raskolnikov.”

“Worrying is like paying a debt you don't owe.”