"Some day there will have to be..." - Quote by Groucho Marx

“If the garbage man calls, tell him we don't want any.”

“I write by ear. I tried writing with the typewriter, but I found it too unwieldy”

“I made a killing on Wall Street a few years ago...I shot my broker.”

“The greatest thing by far is to be a master of metaphor.”

“It was SHE. Whoever has loved knows all the radiant meaning contained in the three letters of this word ‘she.”

“I cannot find language of sufficient energy to convey my sense of the sacredness of private integrity.”

“Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?”

“This was years ago, I think during the early [Ronald] Reagan years. I came up with a plan that everybody just pay $8.95 in taxes. Cheating would be allowed. But the incentive to cheat wouldn't be nearly as great if you only had to pay the $8.95. There were a few people who would have to pay hundreds of millions of dollars under this plan. I think it was Mark Goodson and Bill Todman, the guys who do the quiz shows. But almost everybody else would be off really cheap.”

“Men do not like to admit to even momentary imperfection. My husband forgot the code to turn off the alarm. When the police came, he wouldn't admit he'd forgotten the code... he turned himself in.”