"One morning I shot an elephant in..." - Quote by Groucho Marx

“I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.”

“You've got a goal in life. I've got a goal. Now all we need is a football team.”

“Anybody who doesn't like this book is healthy”

“His body rigid with terror as he waited for the savages to something horrible to him—bash his head with clubs, or stab him with spears, or… …or tap him on the shoulder.”

“Don't give a woman advice; one should never give a woman anything she can't wear in the evening.”

“Mr. Knightley seemed to be trying not to smile; and succeeded without difficulty, upon Mrs. Elton's beginning to talk to him.”

“We took pictures of the native girls, but they weren't developed. . . But we're going back next week.”

“Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backward.”

“Here's a phrase that apparently the airlines simply made up: near miss. They say that if 2 planes almost collide, it's a near miss. Bullshit, my friend. It's a near hit! A collision is a near miss. [WHAM! CRUNCH!] "Look, they nearly missed!" "Yes, but not quite.”