"Men in high levels of government seldom..." - Quote by Rita Rudner

“How come when you mix water and flour together you get glue...and then you add eggs and sugar and you get cake? Where does the glue go?”

“I love to shop after a bad relationship. I don't know. I buy a new outfit and it makes me feel better. It just does. Sometimes I see a really great outfit, I'll break up with someone on purpose.”

“I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and say to myself "well, that's not going to happen”

“A burrito is a sleeping bag for ground beef.”

“He who take cookie to bed have crummy night ahead.”

“Movies are fun, but they are no cure for cancer.”

“If you want to give a man something practical, consider tires. More than once, I would have gladly traded all the gifts I got for a new set of tires.”

“A man ought to be able to be fond of his wife without making a fool of himself about her.”

“The sexes deceive themselves about one another: the reason being that at bottom they honor and love only themselves (or their ownideal, to express it more agreeably). Thus man wants woman to be peaceable--but woman is essentially, like the cat, not peaceable, however well she may have trained herself to assume the appearance of peace.”