"Die, my dear? Why that's the last..." - Quote by Groucho Marx

“Since my daughter is only half-Jewish, could she go in the water up to her knees?”

“I made a killing on Wall Street a few years ago...I shot my broker.”

“Every time someone turns on a TV, I go in the other room and read.”

“You better get busy living, because dying's a pain in the ass.”

“It is rather interesting how you get used to death.”

“What more ghastly image can be called up than that of a man betrayed by his body who, simply because he did not die in time, lives out the comedy while awaiting the end, face to face with that God he does not adore, serving him as he served life, kneeling before a void and arms outstretched toward a heaven without eloquence that he knows to be also without depth?”

“I shouldn't tell jokes about my wife. she's attached to a machine that keeps her alive... The refrigerator.”

“Perfect grammar - persistent, continuous, sustained - is the fourth dimension, so to speak; many have sought it, but none has found it.”

“I have never been able to sleep with anyone. I require a full-size bed so that I can lie in the middle of it and extend my arms spreadeagle on both sides without being obstructed.”