“I was blown up while we were eating cheese.”

“I would like to take the great DiMaggio fishing," the old man said. "They say his father was a fisherman. Maybe he was as poor as we are and would understand.”

“Please tell me what can I do. There must be something I can do”

“Why should anybody be interested in some old man who was a failure?”

“There are events which are so great that if a writer has participated in them his obligation is to write truly rather than assume the presumption of altering them with invention.”

“I have very poor and unhappy brains for drinking: I could well wish courtesy would invent some other custom of entertainment.”

“I drink and smoke and I am two hundred percent fit.”

“The water was not fit to drink. To make it palatable, we had to add whisky. By diligent effort, I learned to like it.”

“Lord, I could not endure a husband with a beard on his face! I had rather lie in the woolen.”

“There is no slander in an allowed fool, though he do nothing but rail.”

“I will not be sworn but love may transform me to an oyster”

“Bounty, being free itself, thinks all others so.”

“He that is robbed, not wanting what is stolen, him not know t, and he's not robbed at all.”

“'Tis better to be vile than vile esteemed, When not to be, receives reproach of being, And the just pleasure lost, which is so deemed, Not by our feeling, but by others' seeing.”

“If you recognize anyone it does not mean you like them.”

“One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.”

“[My ideal of a good dinner] is to discuss good food, and, after this good food has been discussed, to discuss a good topic - with myself the chief conversationalist.”