Drinking Quotes

I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know.

Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house unless they have a well-stocked bar.

The advantages of whiskey over dogs are legion. Whiskey does not need to be periodically wormed, it does not need to be fed, it never requires a special kennel, it has no toenails to be clipped or coat to be stripped. Whiskey sits quietly in its special nook until you want it. True, whiskey has a nasty habit of running out, but then so does a dog.

I am sure of this, that if everybody was to drink their bottle a day, there would be not half the disorders in the world there are now. It would be a famous good thing for us all.

The man that isn't jolly after drinking is just a drivelling idiot, to my thinking.

Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite, and furthermore always carry a small snake.

A man does not exist until he is drunk.

If a man rejoice not in his drinking, he is mad; for in drinking it's possible ... to fondle breasts, and to caress well tended locks, and there is dancing withal, and oblivion of woe.

It's quite true I'm not drinking anymore; however, I'm not drinking any less either.

My advice to girls: first, don't smoke - to excess; second, don't drink - to excess; third, don't marry - to excess.

Beer's intellectual. What a shame so many idiots drink it.

I drink to make other people more interesting.

I never drink water... fish f**k in it.

I drink with impunity...or anyone else who invites me.

Got tight last night on absinthe and did knife tricks. Great success shooting the knife underhand into the piano. The woodworms are so bad and eat hell out of all the furniture that you can always claim the woodworms did it.

Was I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill? Oh, thank goodness... I thought I'd lost it.

I have been advised by the best medical authority, at my age, not to attempt to give up alcohol.

I never drink water; that is the stuff that rusts pipes.

Two simple principles lie at the bottom of the whole matter, and they may be precipitated into two rules. The first is that, when there is a choice, the milder drink is always the better-not merely the safer but the better. The second is that no really enlightened drinker ever takes a drink at a time when he has any work to do. There is, of course, more to it than this; but these are sufficient for the beginner, and even the virtuoso never outgrows them.

I am drunk, seest thou? When I am not drunk I do not talk. You have never heard me talk much. But an intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend his time with fools.

Drink to me. Drink to my health. You know I can't drink any more.

There cannot be good living where there is not good drinking.

Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.

There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink it.

Don't you drink? I notice you speak slightingly of the bottle. I have drunk since I was fifteen and few things have given me more pleasure.

There's something wonderful about drinking in the afternoon. A not-too-cold pint, absolutely alone at the bar - even in this fake-ass Irish pub.

During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to live on food and water for several days.

I've been on a 46-year diet of olives and alcohol. The latter I consume. The former I save and use over again in more alcohol. In my lifetime, I imagine, I have consumed at least $200,000 worth of whisky.

Work is the curse of the drinking classes.

Drown in a cold vat of whiskey? Death, where is thy sting?

This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.

How to Drink Like a Gentleman: The Things to Do and the Things Not To, as Learned in 30 Years' Extensive Research.

A man loses his sense of direction after four drinks; a woman loses hers after four kisses.

Variant: I was driven to drink by a woman. I am forever grateful, yet I never had the good manners to thank her.

A prohibitionist is the sort of man one couldn't care to drink with, even if he drank.

I never drank anything stronger than beer before I was twelve.

"It wasn't the wine," murmured Mr. Snodgrass, in a broken voice. "It was the salmon."

If I had my life to live over again, I'd live over a saloon.

I note the derogatory rumors concerning the use of alcoholic stimulants and lavish living. It is the penalty of greatness.

I've made it a rule never to drink by daylight and never to refuse a drink after dark.

I seldom took a drink on the set before 9 a.m.

When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.

I drink therefore I am.

A man who's intoxicated all the time doesn't need sympathy.

It was a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy to thank her for it.

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.

My main ambition as a gardener is to water my orange trees with gin, then all I have to do is squeeze the juice into a glass.

It is well to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend, one's present or future thirst, the excellence of the cognac, or any other reason

Say anything that you like about me except that I drink water.

I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.

They're professionals at this in Russia, so no matter how many Jell-O shots or Jager shooters you might have downed at college mixers, no matter how good a drinker you might think you are, don't forget that the Russians - any Russian - can drink you under the table.

So lets knock a couple back and make some noise

The water was not fit to drink. To make it palatable, we had to add whisky. By diligent effort, I learned to like it.

It is not the drinker, but the man who has just stopped drinking, who thinks the world is going to the dogs.

I never drink water. I'm afraid it will become habit-forming.

Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!

So long as the presence of death lurks with anyone who goes through the simple act of swallowing, I will make mine whiskey.

The whiskey warmed his tongue and the back of his throat, but it did not change his ideas any, and suddenly, looking at himself in the mirror behind the bar, he knew that drinking was never going to do any good to him now. Whatever he had now he had, and it was from now on, and if he drank himself unconscious when he woke up it would be there.

Sleep! The most beautiful experience in life. Except drink.