"Running isn't a sport because anyone can..." - Quote by George Carlin

“Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard”

“Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?”

“That's basically what the drive is: "I want to be famous, I want to be noticed, and I want to be approved of." That's basically what you're after. "Give me attention, give me applause, give me an audience. A. A. A. Straight As." That's all you're looking for.”

“Last year we said, 'Things can't go on like this', and they didn't, they got worse.”

“I finally got around to reading the dictionary. Turns out the Zebra did it.”

“There's only one thing that can kill the movies, and that's education.”

“Don't foul, don't flinch-hit the line hard.”

“Football today is far too much a sport for the few who can play it well; the rest of us, and too many of our children, get out exercise from climbing up the seats in stadiums, or from walking across the room to turn on our television sets.”

“Football fans share a universal language that cuts across many cultures and many personality types. A serious football fan is never alone. We are legion, and football is often the only thing we have in common.”