"My cousin just got married for the..." - Quote by Rita Rudner

“Men are very confident people. Even a sixty-year-old man with no arms thinks he could play in the Super Bowl if he had to.”

“At the end of every year, I add up the time that I have spent on the phone on hold and subtract it from my age. I don't count that time as really living. I spend more and more time on hold each year. By the time I die, I'm going to be quite young.”

“When four or more men get together, they talk about sports.”

“Never trust anything you read in a travel article. Travel articles appear in publications that sell large, expensive advertisements to tourism-related industries, and these industries do not wish to see articles with headlines like: URUGUAY: DON'T BOTHER.”

“If the shoe fits, buy another one just like it.”

“I like restraint, if it doesn't go too far.”

“A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.”

“My most brilliant achievement was my ability to be able to persuade my wife to marry me.”

“When you make the sacrifice in marriage, you're sacrificing not to each other but to unity in a relationship.”