“With the proper training, I could've been an evil genius.”

“You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.”

“When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to do it by gas lamp or candle. I'm sure it made the work seem that much more urgent.”

“Language is a tool for concealing the truth. If we could read each other's minds, this would be a horror show.”

“When will all the rhetorical questions end?”

“I never took a human life, I only sold the fellow the gun to take it with.”

“Let your gun therefore be your constant companion of your walks.”

“I have carried a revolver; lots of us do, but they are the most innocent things in the world.”