"My mother is such a lousy cook..." - Quote by Rita Rudner
My mother is such a lousy cook that Thanksgiving at her house is a time of sorrow.
More by Rita Rudner
“Don't try to teach men how to do anything in public. They can learn in private; in public they have to know.”
“I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.”
“When a woman tries on clothing from her closet that feels tight, she will assume she has gained weight. When a man tries something from his closet that feels tight, he will assume the clothing has shrunk.”
More on Humor
“They were frightfully angry. Quite apart from the stones no spider has ever liked being called Attercop, and Tomnoddy of course is insulting to anybody.”
“To my wife 'I told you I was sick'.”
“Nonsense wakes up the brain cells. And it helps develop a sense of humor, which is awfully important in this day and age.”
More on Mother
“Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.”
“I never know what to get my father for his birthday. I gave him a hundred dollars and said, 'Buy yourself something that will make your life easier.' So he went out and bought a present for my mother.”
“So much pressure in this life of mine, I cry at times, I once contemplated suicide and woulda tried, but when I held that nine, all I could see was my mama's eyes, no one knows my struggle, they only see the trouble, not knowing it's hard to carry on when no one loves you.”