"I've got a wallet, it's orange. In..." - Quote by Mitch Hedberg
I've got a wallet, it's orange. In case I wanna buy a deer. That doesn't make any sense at all.
More by Mitch Hedberg
“The commercial for Diet Dr. Pepper says it tastes just like regular Dr. Pepper. Well, then they screwed up!”
“Is a hippopotamus a hippopotamus, or just a really cool Opotamus?”
“I rented a car. I didn't really need one, I just wanted to make one less available. I wanted one businessman on the bus with no car.”
More on Humor
“I got a new dog. He's a paranoid retriever. He brings back everything because he's not sure what I threw him.”
“Humor is one of the elements of genius--admirable as an adjunct; but as soon as it becomes dominant, only a surrogate for genius.”
“So I went down my local ice-cream shop, and said 'I want to buy an ice-cream'. He said Hundreds & thousands?' I said 'We'll start with one.' He said 'Knickerbocker glory?' I said 'I do get a certain amount of freedom in these trousers, yes.'”
More on Absurdity
“I put a new engine in my car, but forgot to take the old one out. Now my car goes 500 miles per hour. The harmonica sounds amazing.”
“I miss the $2 bill, 'cause I can break a two. $20, no. $10, no. $5, maybe, $2? Oh yeah. What do you need, a one and another one?”
“Last week I forgot how to ride a bicycle.”