"Housework can kill you if done right...." - Quote by Erma Bombeck

“I don't know why no one ever thought to paste a label on the toilet-tissue spindle giving 1-2-3 directions for replacing the tissue on it. Then everyone in the house would know what Mama knows.”

“There are few things in this world more satisfying than having your son teach you how to play tennis, unless it is having a semi-truck run over your foot.”

“No baby shall at any time be quartered in a house where there are no soft laps, no laughter, or no love.”

“I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing. There's no use doing it now, it doesn't fit anybody I know.”

“The obvious and fair solution to the housework problem is to let men do the housework for, say, the next six thousand years, to even things up. The trouble is that men, over the years, have developed an inflated notion of the importance of everything they do, so that before long they would turn housework into just as much of a charade as business is now. They would hire secretaries and buy computers and fly off to housework conferences in Bermuda, but they'd never clean anything.”

“Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.”

“We get our morals from books. I didn't get mine from books, but I know that morals do come from books- theoretically at least.”

“Women have a hard enough time in this world: telling them the truth would be too cruel.”

“There are men so philosophical that they can see humor in their own toothaches. But there has never lived a man so philosophical that he could see the toothache in his own humor.”