"Why is Cloud 9 so amazing? What..." - Quote by Mitch Hedberg

“I want to get non-aerosol mace, you just rub it in. "Dude who is attacking me - come a little closer!"”

“I wish I could play little league now. I'd be way better than before.”

“I did a radio interview; the DJ's first question was "Who are you?" I had to think. Is this guy really deep, or did I drive to the wrong station?”

“I like to fill my tub up with water, then turn the shower on and act like I'm in a submarine that's been hit .”

“Anybody who doesn't like this book is healthy”

“Scandal is gossip made tedious by morality.”

“If they would, for Example, praise the Beauty of a Woman, or any other Animal, they describe it by Rhombs, Circles, Parallelograms, Ellipses, and other geometrical terms.”

“All names of good and evil are images; they do not speak out, they only hint. He is a fool who seeks knowledge from them.”

“I have grown to believe that there is no dangerous idea, which does not become less dangerous when written out in sincere and careful English.”