"Stand-up is my favorite thing I've ever..." - Quote by Rita Rudner

“I know I want to have children while my parents are still young enough to take care of them.”

“Men are sensitive in strange ways. If a man has built a fire and the last log does not burn, he will take it personally.”

“Blondes have more fun, don't they? They must. How many brunettes do you see walking down the street with blond roots?”

“Stand-up is the place where you can do things that you could never do in public.”

“If I say a joke and the audience laughs it makes me feel good.”

“The bad thing about being a famous comedian is that every now and then someone approaches me to tell an old joke. Don't tell me jokes - I have that. People also say the weirdest things, sometimes sarcastic things, and even evil things. They like to provoke to get a reaction.”

“I'm moving and not moving at all. I'm like the moon underneath the waves that ever go on rolling and rocking. It is not, "I am doing this," but rather, an inner realization that "this is happening through me," or "it is doing this for me." The consciousness of self is the greatest hindrance to the proper execution of all physical action.”

“I liked school, but I used to dread those moments when the teacher would call me up to give an oral report. I forced myself to deal with it and not dwell on the class in front of me - to keep a straight face, give the report and concentrate on getting it right. That's normally how I perform. That's how I am.”

“Every time a player goes out to ply his trade he's got to play from the ground up - from the soles of his feet right up to his head. Every inch of him has to play. Some guys play with their heads. That's O.K. You've got to be smart to be Number One in any business. But more important, you've got to play with you heart - with every fiber of your body. If you're lucky enough to find a guy with a lot of head and a lot of heart, he's never going to come off the field second.”