"Before I speak, I have something important..." - Quote by Groucho Marx

“Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.”

“The only game I like to play is "Old Maid", providing she's not too old”

“One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.”

“I take it for granted, when I am invited to lecture anywhere,--for I have had a little experience in that business,--that there isa desire to hear what I think on some subject, though I may be the greatest fool in the country,--and not that I should say pleasant things merely, or such as an audience will assent to; and I resolve, accordingly, that I will give them a strong dose of myself. They have sent for me, and engaged to pay for me, and I am determined that they shall have me, though I bore them beyond all precedent.”

“I don't like typing messages on my phone. Some people get used to it.”

“Never use a long word where a short one will do.”

“By far the most common craving of pregnant women is not to be pregnant.”

“I try to keep it positive and play it cool, shoot up the playground and tell the kids to stay in school.”

“Politics is like waking up in the morning. You never know whose head you'll find on the pillow.”