“When the media ask George W. Bush a question, he answers, 'Can I use a lifeline?'”

“I learned that by being entertaining you make a connection with another person.”

“Golf is one of the few sports where a white man can dress like a black pimp and not look bad.”

“Reality is just a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs.”

“I think it's great when stories are dark and strange and weirdly personal.”

“Lord, I could not endure a husband with a beard on his face! I had rather lie in the woolen.”

“There is no slander in an allowed fool, though he do nothing but rail.”

“I will not be sworn but love may transform me to an oyster”

“A Loud Laugh Bespeaks a Vacant Mind!”

“With mirth and laughter let old wrinkles come.”

“A human being should beware how he laughs, for then he shows all his faults.”

“What the great ones do, the less will prattle of”

“Manners have been somewhat cynically defined to be a contrivance of wise men to keep fools at a distance. Fashion is shrewd to detect those who do not belong to her train, and seldom wastes her attentions. Society is very swift in its instincts, and if you do not belong to it, resists and sneers at you, or quietly drops you.”

“Wit makes its own welcome, and levels all distinction. No dignity, no learning, no force of character, can make any stand against good wit. It is like ice, on which no beauty of form, no majesty of carriage, can plead any immunity; they must walk gingerly, according to the laws of ice, or down they must go, dignity and all.”