"When I was 3 years old, my..." - Quote by Rodney Dangerfield

“When I was a kid we were so poor, if I hadn't been a boy I wouldn't have had anything to play with.”

“I am the world's oldest teenager. I've never lost my youthful attitude.”

“I don't get no respect, no respect at all!”

“Looking back, I realize that my life has been a series of incidents where one person has said to another, "Get this asshole outta here!"”

“Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.'”

“Comedy is in my blood. Too bad it's not in my act.”

“Humor is laughing at what you haven't got when you ought to have it.”

“The mathematician knows some things, no doubt, but not those things one usually wants to get from him.”

“There was a stool there, and some fella kept asking me if I wanted to sit down. When I saw the stool sitting there, it gave me the idea. I'll just put the stool out there and I'll talk to Mr Obama and ask him why he didn't keep all of the promises he made to everybody.”