"Once when I was lost I asked..." - Quote by Rodney Dangerfield

“It's great to have gray hair. Ask anyone who's bald.”

“Sure I smoked pot in hospital. My wife won't let me toke at home.”

“Hey, did somebody step on a duck?”

“I have loved to cook since I was a child in my mother's kitchen. If I don't have time to cook, I'll just read a cookbook.”

“To deny a man a job is to say that a man has no right to exist.”

“Even as a kid, my memories are of books taking me out of myself.”

“My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.”

“I am indebted to my father for living, but to my teacher for living well.”

“When I was a kid I got no respect. I told my mother, I'm gonna run away from home. She said, On your mark.”