"I have been advised by the best..." - Quote by W C Fields

“If there's a will, prosperity can't be far behind.”

“The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was judged by the amount of wood she could split.”

“You can fool some of the people some of the time -- and that's enough to make a decent living.”

“... No one is less happy than I am with the performance of Microsoft stock! I've lost tens of billions of dollars this year - if you check, you'll see that's more than most people make in a lifetime!”

“Do you know why the nose of the bull dog is sloped backwards? So it can keep on breathing without ever letting go.”

“Since I am used to speaking in public, I know that it is useless.”

“I've been drunk only once in my life. But that lasted for twenty-three years.”

“The man that isn't jolly after drinking is just a drivelling idiot, to my thinking.”

“There cannot be good living where there is not good drinking.”