“I don't drink water. Have you seen the way it rusts pipes?”

“Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad.”

“If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.”

“I could be stranded in any town in the United States with ten cents and within an hour make $20 with the shell game.”

“Happiness means quiet nerves.”

“What a fool honesty is.”

“Honest plain words best pierce the ear of grief.”

“To be honest, as this world goes, is to be one man picked out of ten thousand.”