"My mother used to rock me -..." - Quote by Rodney Dangerfield

“She was so fat that her bathtub has stretch marks.”

“I knew a girl so ugly, they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders.”

“When I was a kid I got no respect. The time I was kidnapped, and the kidnappers sent my parents a note they said, "We want five thousand dollars or you'll see your kid again."”

“We are all born children- the trick is remaining one.”

“Difficult and painful as it is, we must walk on in the days ahead with an audacious faith in the future.”

“School was pretty hard for me at the beginning.”

“I used to date a girl from Buffalo. Why can't I meet a girl with normal parents?”

“I was so ugly my parents had to hang a pork chop around my neck to get the dog to play with me.”

“My heroes are and were my parents. I can't see having anyone else as my heroes.”