"I could tell my parents hated me...." - Quote by Rodney Dangerfield

“I asked my old man if I could go ice-skating on the lake. He told me, "Wait til it gets warmer."”

“And my girlfriend, she's FAT! How fat? She's so fat she wears two watches-one for each time zone!”

“When I was a kid we were so poor, if I hadn't been a boy I wouldn't have had anything to play with.”

“If you ever need anything please don't hesitate to ask someone else first.”

“My mother had morning sickness after I was born.”

“If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and you turn on the headlights, does anything happen?”

“I didn't know what a stockbroker was when I was eight, but I would just tell everybody that's what I was going to be.”

“All I ever learned at my mother's knee was what a bony knee looked like.”

“Everyone’s childhood plays itself out. No wonder no one knows the other or can completely understand. By this I don’t know if I’m just giving up with this conclusion or resigning myself — or maybe for the first time connecting with reality. How do we know the pain or another’s earlier years, let alone all that he drags with him since along the way at best a lot of leeway is needed for the other — yet how much is unhealthy for one to bear. I think to love bravely is the best and accept — as much as one can bear.”